Pregnancy and early parenthood are full of unknowns. And all that uncertainty can make you feel a bit, well, uncertain. Like, how the heck am I supposed to take care of a small human? What’s my baby doing in there, anyway? And, will everything be … OK?
At LAist, we run a text service Hey bb, which answers parents’ questions starting in pregnancy. One parent-to-be, Shea Tompkins from Hawthorne, asked LAist this question: “What are your best tips for calming all of the nerves around early pregnancy and the unknowns?”
We threw this question back to the parents on the Hey bb list, and lots of you responded with your tips and advice. Here’s what some of you said.
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Multiple parents suggested as a first step to come to terms with the fact that in the pregnancy and early parenthood journey, there are a lot of things out of your control. Even a solid birth plan can’t predict how your birth will actually go — though most medical professionals recommend you create one regardless, so you can inform yourself and communicate your preferences to your team. Identifying the things you can’t control and letting them go can help free up some headspace.
“The most important thing for me was first accepting that I could not control everything in this process,” Christina Nadel in San Gabriel Valley said. She added that this helped her take charge of the things she could control, like educating herself, researching care providers, and taking care of herself physically and mentally.
Fabiola Prieto in Castle Heights agreed. “It helped focusing on solving those things you do have control over. For example, I did a lot of planning around my maternity leave, making sure I would get the most of my benefits available.”
Parents also said that it’s important to acknowledge the feels that come with this life stage, and to embrace them.
Sam De Trinindad in Echo Park proposed one way of surfacing the things you feel: making a list. “Making lists can be reassuring. Write down your questions/fears about pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting. Try to discuss them with your partner, friend, or someone you trust.”
Sometimes there are social norms that might keep you from sharing, but ultimately it’s up to you to decide what works best for you. Jennifer Sarvas in Fullerton encouraged ignoring one “taboo” of waiting until your second trimester to announce your pregnancy. “Assemble your support squad early,” she said. “It's okay to lean on them in good and bad times. Feel your feelings. Don't bottle them up.”
Taking the time during pregnancy to reflect and gather information can also be reassuring.
Grace Chen in Arcadia said that she did a lot of reading during pregnancy, both online and through books. She said she was also very receptive to advice that friends and family offered, and would then find ways to verify their ideas. “I would do research to verify if what they told me was true. I also had a list of questions that I wrote down [for] my OB-GYN.”
Brittany Gorin said that what might calm one person may be different for someone else — it really depends on the type of person you are. “I was soothed by more data, studies, and research about risks like miscarriage and what to eat or avoid,” she said. “But I know folks who tried to avoid information overload because it was more distressing than calming for them.”
Pregnancy gives you license to take extra care of yourself, and multiple parents agreed that doing the things that you enjoy most also help to calm the nerves. A bonus: turns out research has found that relaxation is good for pregnancy and birth outcomes, too.
“It's easier said than done, but finding enjoyable ways to keep my mind off the worry helped,” Christina Nadel said. Some of the things that she enjoyed doing were spending time with friends, exercising, reading, baking, and cooking nourishing food.
Victoria Mojarro in the San Gabriel Valley also agreed that connecting with friends, especially other moms, helped her. She also said she makes herself a tea with lemon balm and ashwagandha. “It mellows you out and it’s nap time. Really helps my nervous system,” she said.
Another parent, Aiysha Clark, added her two cents: “More sleep, eat [your] favorite fruit, and indulge in a treat every day.”
Now, that’s advice I can get behind.
Learn more about other things to consider during pregnancy. Do you have more tips you think we should include in this guide? Send them to sritoper@scpr.org.
